Make Love Not War: Things I Wish I’d Known Earlier About Self-love

Something that we all deal with is having negative influences. When I was younger,  I allowed people to influence me and I began to have negative emotions about myself. In elementary school, I was in ballet. There was a girl in the class that told another girl that she did not like me because I was too quiet. I didn’t say much in class because I was shy. The other little girl said that is no reason to not like somebody and she continued to be my friend. After that experience, I started relating to being shy and quiet to something negative.

I wore glasses when I was little. My sister loved to make fun of me and how silly I looked in my glasses. I started to think I was ugly because I wore glasses. Many of the little girls had boyfriends in elementary school but I did not. I thought that I was ugly and that is why I did not have a boyfriend also. 

Middle school is when girls were truly mean girls. The girls gossipped, spread false rumors, and were just simply horrible for no reason. At this point, girls thought that I was shy and quiet because I was stuck up. I hated being judged and I hated school. I had a group of friends and we were constantly upset with each other about nonsense. Their friendship was very draining.

In high school, it was the same deal. I was still shy and quiet and the girls thought it was because I was stuck up.  I began to have friendships with boys. This is when I saw the difference between how petty girls were and how boys were drama free. Well, most boys were drama free. Aside from what people thought of me and dealing with drama at home, negativity penetrated into mind and I believed that I was not enough among other negative things.

It wasn’t until college that I started to love myself. I grew confidence and I wasn’t allowing my fears to stop me. I realized that being around goal oriented people inspired me to work harder.

I took my first yoga class in college. After my first class, I walked outside it felt like everything was once in black-and-white like those 1950 movies but, at that point there was color.  I could see clearly. I felt peace for the first time. There was chaos in the world. At that point, I realized that the chaos did not have to be in my world. It was when I realized that the “Christian” group I was hanging around was not living a life according to their own teachings. I desired more and to live a non judgemental life full of unconditional love for everyone.

Another change in my life was working at a consignment shop for one of my internships. The owners of the store were gay. They invited me out to gay clubs and bars. Growing up my family believed that being gay was the biggest sin and the worse of all the sins. While they lectured about this belief,  my thought was “being gay is worse than you judging people or hating people?” I did not understand their philosophy. I didn’t feel judged being in the gay clubs and bars. Females weren’t staring, rolling their eyes or judging me and my outfit. The men were not trying to have sex with me or get my number. Everyone was so kind and wanted to just have fun. I would usually exchange numbers for the sole purpose of hanging out.

When I was little I was very fond of RuPaul. I liked how different he was. I liked that he wasn’t afraid to be authentically himself. That’s what I admire the most about the LGBT community they are not afraid to be themselves and embrace the good, bad, and wonderful and bare it all regardless of what anyone thinks or feels.

I learned to let my inner unicorn fly with bursts of rainbows and happiness. Basically, I learned to love myself and accept myself as I am.

After college, I got married. Being married to someone that has a lot of medical conditions and mental conditions is very difficult. Sometimes his negative vibes turned into my negative vibes. He was very controlling and I was afraid to have voice. I had to figure out how to stand without being pushed down. My self-esteem took a nose dive. It took for me to get out of my marriage to feel almost like myself again. I look back and I wonder how I could have so much positive energy and optimism in college then get married and let a person suck the life out of me. I promised myself that I will never do that again.

What someone thinks about me or someone thinks about you is none of our business. We are perfect just as God made us.

So why did I just take you on a trip down memory lane? I wrote all that to get to this point. Instead of listening to other people’s opinions, which are really their insecurities, we should fill our lives with positivity. I talk to a lot of people who are depressed or holding on to things from the past. It is important to fill our minds with positivity.

It is important to read positive and uplifting books. It is also important to watch positive things on tv, Netflix, or Youtube. Whatever your viewing choice is, make sure it uplifts you and inspires you. I’m not saying that I don’t watch trashy shows or other shows for entertainment like Orange is the New Black or Housewives of Atlanta and several shows that don’t aim to inspire. While I enjoy trashy shows from time to time, the majority of my time is spent on positive uplifting things.

We can not afford to allow any negativity to come into our lives. Each moment is precious. Any amount of time that you spend wallowing in your misery and beating yourself up is less time that you have to help yourself or others. I do believe that helping other people is a part of the reason that we are all here on Earth. Not everyone is at the same level and some people need help. We should always aim to reach back and help each other.

Americans can be stronger together than separate. Women can make more of an impact together than separate. First, you have to work on yourself. The war is only in your mind. So instead of allowing the pessimistic thoughts in your mind, make love to yourself. Take yourself out on dates. Make a vision board. Write down your goals for your immediate future and five-and-ten years down the road. Don’t allow people to mistreat you or use you in any way. Do not allow your mind to be filled with negative thoughts. Don’t put yourself in a bubble where you are not free to be who you are. Live free and make decisions based on what is best for yourself. You have to learn how to love yourself more than anyone else can or will.

Best wishes


Affirmation: I love myself and will fill my heart, mind, and soul with only positivity and love.

If you want share your story or just want to chat I would love to hear from you!

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